Do you struggle with jealousy? Maybe there is something it can teach you. Learn how to turn envy into empowerment and use it as your roadmap to your desires.
Podcast Audio of Post Powered by AI
Journal Prompts
Resources
Introduction: Jealousy Isn’t the Villain We Think It Is
Let’s be honest—jealousy doesn’t exactly have the best reputation. It’s one of those emotions we’re often told to hide, suppress, or feel ashamed of. It can show up as a tightness in your chest, a twinge in your gut, or a passing thought you quickly try to shake off.
But what if we’ve misunderstood jealousy all along?
What if it isn’t a flaw to fix… but a message to decode?
Think about it:
Maybe you feel a pang of jealousy when a friend posts vacation photos from Italy—because deep down, you crave more adventure and spontaneity.
Maybe you feel it when you hear about someone starting a business or writing a book—because there’s a dream inside you that’s been waiting to come alive.
Or maybe it shows up when you see another woman fully confident in her body—because you’ve been longing to feel that way in your own skin again.
Jealousy can feel uncomfortable, yes. But it also holds valuable information. It shines a light on desires we haven’t given ourselves permission to name. It often shows up in places where we feel disconnected from our power, our purpose, or our sense of possibility.
In this post, we’re going to look at jealousy differently—not as something to feel guilty about, but as a guide. A teacher. A compass pointing toward what you really want.
Because sometimes, the very thing that makes you envious… is the thing your soul is trying to call you toward.
Understanding the Root of Jealousy
Jealousy often gets lumped together with negative traits like bitterness, insecurity, or immaturity. But when we pause and really look at where it’s coming from, we can begin to see it differently.
At its core, jealousy isn’t about the person you’re jealous of.
It’s about you—and something inside you that’s longing to be seen, heard, or expressed.
It’s easy to assume jealousy is about competition. But more often, it’s about disconnection—a gap between where you are and where you wish you were. It’s not that you resent someone’s success, freedom, beauty, or joy. It’s that you haven’t yet found the courage (or clarity) to claim those things for yourself.
If you’ve ever felt that ache of envy watching another woman thrive in her business or glow-up her life, let it guide you—not shame you. That feeling is often a nudge from your highest self saying, “You want that too.” One of the most aligned resources I’ve found to help turn that desire into action is Leonie Dawson’s Brilliant Biz + Life Academy. It’s an inspiring, no-fluff membership packed with business tools, mindset shifts, and soul-led strategy—all in one place.
And in midlife, this emotion can feel even more loaded.
You may feel jealous of someone with a thriving second career—because you’ve put your dreams on hold for years.
You may feel it around women who travel, take bold risks, or simply seem free—because you’re craving more adventure, autonomy, or self-expression.
You may feel it when someone has a deep partnership or vibrant friend group—because you long for more connection or support.
The truth is:
Jealousy is a mirror. It reflects back to you something you desire, but haven’t fully owned.
When you recognize that, jealousy becomes less of a threat—and more of a signpost. A quiet inner whisper saying, “This matters to you. Pay attention.”
What Jealousy Is Really Trying to Show You
Jealousy isn’t random. It doesn’t show up where you’re fully satisfied.
It shows up where you feel a tug—a longing that hasn’t been met yet.
It’s easy to dismiss jealousy as something shameful, but what if you paused and got curious instead? What if that emotion was simply trying to tell you, “Hey… you want this too.”
Maybe you’re not jealous because someone else has a happy relationship—you’re jealous because you desire deeper intimacy, affection, or connection.
Maybe you’re not jealous of their job title or business success—you’re craving freedom, fulfillment, or creative expression.
Maybe it’s not about their body—it’s about your yearning to feel confident, healthy, and at home in your own skin again.
These feelings don’t mean you’re petty or ungrateful.
They mean you’re aware.
They mean your soul is stirring.
They mean something is calling to you.
Sometimes, the people who trigger our jealousy are simply expanders—proof that the life we want is possible.
Instead of asking, “Why do they have that and I don’t?”
Try asking, “What part of this is for me too?”
Let that be your entry point into healing—not hiding—your desires.
How to Use Jealousy for Growth (Instead of Shame)
Jealousy can either shrink you—or wake you up.
The difference lies in how you respond to it. Most of us are taught to feel bad about our envy… to hide it, judge it, or pretend it’s not there. But when you meet it with curiosity instead of criticism, something beautiful happens:
You gain clarity.
You reclaim power.
You remember what you actually want.
Here’s a 4-step framework you can use the next time jealousy shows up:
1. Notice it without judgment
Instead of shaming yourself, simply acknowledge it:
“I’m feeling jealous right now—and that’s okay.”
Give yourself permission to feel. Jealousy is human.
2. Name the desire beneath it
Ask yourself:
“What do I believe they have that I wish I had?”
Let the answer be honest, even if it surprises you. This is how you uncover hidden or denied desires.
3. Shift to admiration
Try reframing the emotion.
“If it’s possible for them, it’s possible for me too.”
Let their success or joy be proof—not a threat.
4. Turn it into inspiration
Ask:
“What’s one small action I can take to move closer to this?”
Maybe it’s speaking your desire out loud. Creating a plan. Investing in yourself. Reaching out for support. One empowered step at a time.
Affirmation to hold onto:
“I let my envy guide me, not define me.”
Jealousy doesn’t have to be a dead-end. It can be a doorway—a chance to shift from comparison to clarity, and from longing to aligned action.
A Personal Story
I remember a time not too long ago when I found myself scrolling through Instagram and feeling that all-too-familiar pang of jealousy. Another woman—about my age—had just launched a beautiful new business. Her branding was gorgeous, her energy was magnetic, and she seemed so confident in her calling.
And I felt… small.
I didn’t want to feel that way. I wanted to celebrate her. But instead, my inner critic chimed in with things like, “You’re too late,” or “She’s doing it better than you ever could.”
At first, I felt guilty for even feeling jealous. But then I got curious.
What was this really about?
And the answer came clearly:
It wasn’t about her success—it was about my desire to step more fully into my own voice, my own platform, my own next chapter.
That jealousy was actually a signal. A nudge from my higher self saying, “You want this too. And it’s time to claim it.”
That single moment of honesty shifted something in me. I stopped shrinking and started creating. That’s part of what led me to build this blog, to offer tools, write freely, and share my own story—imperfectly, but powerfully.
Jealousy, in that moment, wasn’t the enemy.
It was the invitation.
Conclusion: It’s a Compass, Not a Character Flaw
Jealousy doesn’t make you broken.
It doesn’t make you ungrateful.
It doesn’t mean you’re behind, or too late, or not enough.
It means you’re alive.
It means your soul is paying attention.
It means something inside you is asking to be claimed, expressed, or pursued.
When we shift our perspective, jealousy becomes a compass.
It points to what matters to us. It reveals what we deeply value, even if we haven’t owned it yet. It nudges us toward the desires we’ve buried or ignored out of fear, conditioning, or self-doubt.
The next time jealousy shows up, don’t push it away. Get curious.
Let it be your guide—not your shame.
Because your longing holds wisdom.
And your next-level life may be waiting on the other side of what someone else’s life just reminded you is possible.
So here’s your invitation:
Think of the last time you felt a twinge of jealousy… and ask yourself—
What might this be trying to show me about my own dreams?
You’re not too much for wanting it.
You’re not too late for starting it.
You’re not wrong for feeling it.
You’re just… ready.
Journal Prompts
- When was the last time I felt jealous?
Describe the situation honestly. What triggered it? - What specifically was I envious of?
Was it their success, confidence, freedom, relationship, creativity, lifestyle? - What desire is hiding beneath that jealousy?
What is this feeling trying to tell me I want? - What belief do I hold that makes me think I can’t have that too?
Is it a fear? A story from my past? Something someone once told me? - What would change in my life if I fully believed I was worthy of that desire?
How would I show up differently? - Is there a part of me that’s afraid of having what I want? Why?
- What would the version of me who already has this do today?
What does she believe? How does she speak to herself? - What small, soul-aligned step can I take this week toward that desire?
- How can I shift from comparison to inspiration when I see someone else living what I want?
- What affirmation or new belief do I want to replace my jealousy with?
Resources
On Understanding Emotions + Inner Growth
- The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso & Russ Hudson
→ Deep dive into the core motivations behind your emotional patterns—including envy, comparison, and desire. - Atlas of the Heart by Brené Brown
→ A beautiful guide to naming and understanding complex emotions, including envy and longing, with self-compassion.
On Comparison, Desire & Identity
- The Mountain Is You by Brianna Wiest
→ Helps unpack self-sabotage and the inner work needed to rise into your fullest self—often triggered by emotions like jealousy. - Brave, Not Perfect by Reshma Saujani
→ For the woman who’s tired of hiding her ambition or shrinking her dreams. Helps you explore what you really want—even when it scares you.
On Self-Worth & Owning Your Path
- You Are a Badass by Jen Sincero
→ Includes great reframes on jealousy, comparison, and believing you’re worthy of the life you want. - Playing Big by Tara Mohr
→ Especially good for midlife women ready to stop playing small and take inspired action toward what’s calling them.
Comments